On Christmas night, mother treated us with a wonderful surprise. Sister and I gathered under a blanket at mothers feet, watching as she spread out a little cloth. Inside was an array of dried fruits, nuts, and a piece of bacon. I’ve never felt more grateful for a Christmas present in my life. I was overwhelmed with these emotions and spent the night crying. Just us three, huddled up talking about Christmas pasts. The dried apples were the most delicious.
I suppose I should talk more about what happened since my last entry.
Our numbers have dwindled down significantly. A party of adults left on snowshoes to get us provisions. They haven’t been back since, but mother said it will take time. After them, another group left with about 6 women and 16 men. Before this, there were 60 of us here at Truckee Lake in November. We haven’t left our cabin in a while, but the bodies outside grow in number week by week. Many of the young men are dying. Mother says it’s because they didn’t have anything to live for, no wife or family to take care of, and no one to go back to. Mother says our optimism is the reason we’re still alive.
I’d like to believe her. I still pray, and although no one has saved us yet, I hope that our lord above has heard my pleas.
In our camp, we have run out of cattle to kill. We’ve resulted to eating the oxen hide that made our roof. I hate it, when boiled it turns into this glue like substance. I can’t stand eating it, but I do. A daughter of the Grate family died the other day, apparently she refused to eat the oxen hide. She starved to death quickly after her protest, so sister and I try to eat well.
I’ve been giving more food to sister and mother lately. Though I am optimistic to live, I desperately don’t want them to die. When I think back on brothers face, I’m overcome with tears. They rip and tear at my insides, and I come to the same conclusion every time. I’d rather they live than me.
I know father will be disappointed, but my sacrifices would not be in vain. If me dying today meant they both get to live another day, I would do it in a heartbeat.
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